Once upon a time, there was this girl. She. had. no. clue. But she had a boy.
Then she and this boy made some kids. They started with this heart breaker.
And man, has he been a heart breaker. He’s determined, stubborn, strong willed, and always right
just like his mama. In the past year or so, my world has gone from this:
years days, parenting really sucks. You do what you can, the best you know how, but ultimately remember that your children will grow up to make their own choices. Even when they’re stupid choices. Like taking selfies while getting high while you’re out to dinner with family over Christmas.
You do what you can, as best as you know, even when that means making tough decisions. We had to ask our son to leave our home, knowing he had nowhere to go. We found him an option; a program that addresses a multitude of issues, with hopes he would agree.
He did not. Our hearts broke. Again. And again. I don’t think any parent is ever “ready” to send their child off into the world as an adult, but I don’t know how you’re supposed to prepare to kick your child out. In my clear head, I know it’s not a matter of us kicking him out as it is the very real consequences of his choices, but to him, it’s all semantics. At the end of the day, living with us was no longer an option.
You find you’ve still got more tears left. You find out what your marriage is made of. You find out how big your imagination is (immediately leaping to the worse case scenario, noticing every homeless person, hesitating to turn on the news, take your pick). But you choose to remember. You remember the Truth that you live and breathe from. Remember the promises of Scripture. Remember that His ways are not our ways, that ALL things work together for our good, and that He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. And you rest in that. You trust and you believe, because what other option do you have?
THANKFULLY, he is like his mother and is all about the hustle and apparently needed the extra motivation to get going. With no other options
that were of interest to him he got himself off the streets in a relatively short amount of time.
I am cautiously optimistic. I hope the reality of adult responsibilities and obligations will be enough to keep him away from all the jack-assery he’s chosen in the past. I hope that he will start to see himself as we see him, full of promise and potential, and that he’ll chase big dreams and do big things with his life.
So why share here? It’s been ugly and miserable and just plain hard these past couple of years. Over the last few months I took a break from blogging, and really weighed whether or not I wanted to keep at it. I know I’ve been here before and I can’t do fake. I think about shutting it all down and being done, but posts keep writing themselves in my head, so I know I’m not done.
I needed to get this out of my head, into some space, and now I can move forward. I’ve missed my space here, and it’s time to find my way back.